Hey party people. A lot has happened since my last update. So lets get rolling.
A couple of weeks ago I participated in a Model United Nations (MUN) conference. This was my first time so my XP was riding at a fat zero. I went in with no expectations. I was to represent the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. I was to be referred to as the Honorable Delegation of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. The nomenclature was probably the hardest part right of the conference. That, and not making a complete fool of yourself. I can proudly say I failed miserably at both. Before I elaborate, take a look at setup.
I was a member of the Security Council. This means the other members and I were required to come up with resolutions on both the these following wordy topics.
1.Nuclear Non-Proliferation Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and the Threat of Nuclear War
2.International Counter-Terrorism Measures in Light of the Rise of Global Terror Attacks
They did not hold back on the weighty themes with us. The first topic went fairly smoothly, the only hiccup being my opening speech on the very first day. I had just written down some bullet points and I was planning on just breezing through those like the diplomatic professional I imagined I was. However I learned its harder to wing an opening speech than I expected. This is coming from someone who does a fair amount of winging. I nervously stumbled through my notes and went way over the 90 second time limit. Due to my own obliviousness I didn’t realize the timer had long expired. This was my first blunder.
The second is worse. It was during the Counter-Terrorism portion. I had read that the UK has installed those little cement poles in walking areas to prevent terrorist from using vehicles as weapons on pedestrians. I suggested this to be added as a part of a larger international counter-terrorism effort. I naively thought this would go over well because it is a low cost measure that can potentially save many lives. However I was absolutely destroyed. Other delegations all sprung up to ask how these poles would stop stabbing, shootings and bombing. They said they don’t want to make their country’s sidewalks into bunkers. I tried in vein to explain they had missed the point it was fruitless. I was then informed the cement pole plan was not worthy of the UN and should be confined to local government. This made sense to me and I realized that I was actually a bit of an idiot.
I walked home from my catastrophic venture into politics dragging my bleeding reputation behind me leaving a trail of red hot teenage angst like breadcrumbs. I decided to get myself an angry tea so I stormed into a gas station and bought a sweet tea. I walked out and I put in my headphones and blasted Mobb Deep’s anthem Shook Ones, Pt. II. As I moodily made my way down the unprotected sidewalk I felt just like the misunderstood gangsters echoing around my head.
“Ain’t no such things as halfway crooks!”
Here is actual footage of this moment.
At about this moment I decided to take a broader look at my situation. I realized that I am living in another foreign country for free and that I am spiraling over a fake United Nations. I had got so wrapped up in the simulation that I forgot that I actually am not representing the United Kingdom and I did not just royally fail my countrymen and tarnish the image of my motherland. I am not English, and whether or not I succeed at MUN has no affect on the actual policy of the UK. I laughed at myself and decided that the next day I would not try to sabotage the entire operation. Instead I decided to bounce back.
Bounce back I did. The following day was the final day and I emerged as a leader (partially due to the fact that I owned one of the few computers that could connect to the wifi) and I added several important clauses to the final resolution. I left the conference room feeling accomplished and satisfied. That night the closing ceremony was held at the top of the highest building in the Serbian Republic. Let me set the scene:
Before you ask, yes, that is a guitar and violin duet that played the whole time. Anyhow, they gave out participation diplomas which I proudly collected. I thought mine should have congratulated me on just surviving and not descending into self induced spiral of madness. However it looked like this.
Next it was time for the more serious awards. I stopped paying attention because I knew this part didn’t concern me because I thought I was more of an attendee and nothing else. To my immense surprise they called out Kelton Miller for Honorable Mention. I had miniature identity crisis where I forgot that my conscience was attached to that particular name. I then stood up and bewilderedly collected my award. I thanked the good lord it was not the occasion for a speech because that would have gone even worse than my opener, which as you may remember, crashed and burned.
It turns out my blundering diplomacy earned me a pity award. I think this is the sports equivalent of the esteemed Coach’s Award. But hey, I’ll take it! This has been the story of my first MUN. Hopefully there will be more to come.
Did I hear someone ask for more video footage of me? Lucky you. Here is a video my friend created for a contest at the US Embassy. Take note of how perfectly my outfit camouflages me into my surroundings. Also I look hilaraously inept on the cover of this. Both were unintentional. Check it out!
Behind the scenes.
That is all for now. Be ready for a thrilling account of my Halloween and my visit to Travnik next time.